I was going through some of my old backup disks (no not the 8" floppies, you bastards!) I came across my old poem cd backup; something I haven't touched in a decade. A decade you ask? Well, just a few months shy of, because the last thing I wrote was on 9/11/2001. I'd thought I'd share.
A jester laughed today
The only sound that I heard
As giants fell
All I can do is tearlessly cry
As I watch a macabre ticker tape parade
Sweep over the heroes
Screaming, the child inside dies
Never to laugh again
My innocence ash
All thoughts of peace are gone
Torn from the throats
Of a angry people
So I've recently discovered something about myself. Something surprising.
I've been reading fanfic (and writing it to various degrees *cough*) for... let's just say it's been awhile. Okay, okay. Since Xena. Season one to be precise. Since then, there's been an explosion of fanfic out there, coinciding with the internet growing out of its infancy.
Xena, X-Files, ST:V, Babylon 5, Stargate: SG1, Legend of the Seeker, Glee... etc... etc...
What's my point you ask?
I've found that my choice in fanfic is overwhelmingly... non-canon.
I don't read Grey's Anatomy fic, even though I absolutely love GA and Callie/Arizona.
I don't read Santana/Brittany fanfic, even though currently my favorite show on the planet is Glee. Instead I devour Rachel/Quinn. Umm... No pun intended? Grey's Anatomy, South of Nowhere, The L Word, Glee and let's not forget Guiding Light's "attempt" at a lesbian relationship - all of these and more and I just cannot get into reading about their lesbian couples. (In fact I abhor Guiding Light fic and "Otalia" but that's just another issue all-together).
I really can't explain it but I'm happy that while Lesbian characters and couples are slowly becoming more and more visible on the small and big screen, there are even more fandoms out there devoted to pairings that only exist in our wishes and minds.
Ahhh subtext and chemistry.
I wonder how life just happens sometimes.
You pass from childhood to adulthood knowing birthdays and holidays are pieces of bright card-stock with cheery sayings and stuck within the folds is always a check. It's always from one person, say your Grandmother, but it's really from two and once in a while you get a hastily scribbled note on the back that inevitably ends with XOXOXO.
It's more than what your childhood was so you're used to it, if not expecting it with a smile on your face come that time of year.
Then that one person, say your Grandmother, is gone. She's still here on this Earth but her mind isn't Grandmother anymore. She's in a home. Your Dad is busy either working or with this "Lady Friend" of his. You're happy that he's happy but you still worry about your Grandmother who no longer lives with your Dad and who now has strangers taking care of her every need.
Christmas comes - the first where your Grandmother isn't the one sending the card.
And it passes.
Mid-February you get an email from your Dad asking for your mailing address because he forgot it. You give it to him in a reply with a little smiley at the end even though you know that he never really knew it.
A couple more weeks pass and you get a small plain white envelope. You know the kind and you wonder at the difference between small business envelopes and the usual thicker envelopes that come with cards.
You stare for a moment at the different post-mark and know he sent it from his "Lady Friend's" house... or rather her daughter's house since she lives in the Northern part of the state and her daughter lives in Phoenix. You've heard him slip up and call her "his" daughter right in front of you the last time you visited - the time you came down because your Grandmother broke her hip and it might be the last time you see her before she dies because she's slipping faster. So you stare at the envelope and you open it.
For once there's no card, just a check folded in half for a larger amount than usual.
No XOXOXO even this time, just a scrawled "Sorry" on the memo line.
And you wonder how life just happens sometimes.
I just had a very scary, idle thought.
Does writing a sex scene mean that writer is having sex with every single one of their readers?
Does this make me a sl*t? Should I be scared that I might have the fanfic equivalency of an STD? Does this also mean that I'm in a long-term relationship with those other readers who have read the same fanfics that I have time and time again?
Yes, I have an odd mind.
Ok, so it's been awhile. Let me just get the bad news out of the way. Due to REALLY CRAPPY circumstances I lost all my "A Diamond in the Rough" work. All of it. Yes, it was backed up. Lost that too. The tale is too traumatic to me pass on but suffice it to say that I can't continue... all that work is gone and there was a LOT.
Anyways, that wasn't what this post was supposed to be about. See, I've been reading lots of fanfic lately, including Glee and have come across something that I just don't understand.
F/F fanfic with a female character having a... penis. Sometimes all the time, sometimes just a few days out of the month.
The thing is, why are they posted on femslash journals? I don't have a thing against penis (other than having no interest in them) but for some odd reason the female Glee characters are running around with them. A LOT.
Why Glee? What is it about Rachel, Brittany, Santana and Quinn that makes someone want to strap a male member on... without actually strapping one on? Why?
They want to write a genderbending fic? Go for it! I salute you! But I don't see Lost Girl fic or BtVS fic with Willow or Bo running around with peni (plural? Hmmmm) on the fanfic forums (and I'd rather not but again... personal preference) but there's at least one or two a week from the Glee fan population.
Just a bit of a mental conundrum that's been running around in my head for awhile.